Time Be Still!

Hello hello... I got a moment to think while at work, and now that I have a break (temporarily!) from midterms and what not, writing sounded good to me. I originally was thinking of writing on experience and existentialism, but a new thought sorta hit me when I was grabbing dinner. It sorta relates back to chess. Joey, in fact, teaches chess to kids for his job, so maybe that's why I thought of it (how do you like that, Dave! Joey's my reference this time hahaha. Well, to be fair, Joey and I talk mainly about the psych stuff I post, I just usually don't reference him. So, oh well!).

If anyone has seen official chess matches, two opponents do intense death stares. Well, not really, but the tension is crazy high. Also, they're usually timed... Each person has a set amount of minutes, such as 30 or so, that they have to make all their moves in. Everytime their turn goes on, they have to hit the buzzer thing to end their turn and to stop their clock from ticking down even more. It's pretty crazy to watch and also brings up ideas...

It is somewhat unrelated, but I used to think of my actions, if not all actions, sort of like moves on the chessboard... You play your part and what not, and then your opponent has to make a move. Yet, when your opponent is deciding their move, you also have time to decide your next move... Time is at a weird form of a stand still, where no matter what you think nothing's going to happen. Yet, as many of you can guess, simply, life isn't that way...

I was talking with a friend the other day, and how our actions influence others. After many forms of dialogue exchange, I got to the point where I said I didn't want to do some things/take some actions because I didn't know the outcomes they would have; whether they would be good or bad essentially... Yet, my friend pointed out something that's so easy to see in hindsight yet not easy to accept at first. They pointed out that even if you spend a whole lot of time thinking, that still takes time. And, that time is something that will pass for everyone. Even if you spend a whole lot of time thinking about what is right to do, or whether or not you should do it, that's hesitation. And, simply put, hesitation is a decision in itself.

Hesitation is a decision in itself... Oh man, that's something I don't like to hear or admit... You all know me... I'm so hesitant and indecisive when it comes to something big concerning not just myself, but those around me. I try to be able to help when I can, but when it's something I have to actively choose and not lead people to, that's when I get really tripped up. I like to think it over and guess at the possibilites of what may happen as a result of any decision that I may make. Yet, this process in itself is something that takes time... And with that hesitation, comes a decision made in itself... In fact, that's what the title is a reference to. It's something that Mr. Kitaniji (from The World Ends with You) says, plus I was looking for a nerd reference haha... Hum, bother bother...

I guess this is a lesson that can be applicable to all, but to say that the strict reason I wrote this was for that reason would be lying. This is something that I sorta wanted to write about since it's something that I've been doing a lot lately... I just keep myself busy that it's hard to be so sure of big things I have to think about that I indirectly put them off for huge periods of time... I know there are a few friends that I shoulda helped/been there for/talked to, yet I hesitated wondering whether or not it was something that would result in what is best in the end... So to all those that may have been a result of my actions (or lack of I should say haha), I am sorry... I hope to learn from my actions, even though that won't change the past, but hopefully it'll be able to guide me in making the right decisions next time the chance may come around...